My Life in My Hands

by Emma Mae R.

My story begins late on a Sunday night. I’m walking back to the dorm room, and the moon is the only source of light. I decided to work a late shift again at the local diner. Why? I need the money. I’m already on a scholarship at Bennett, and I need the cash to pay for textbooks, laundry, and food. Working a late shift means more money, even if it is only a little. Unfortunately, it also means that I’m a lot more tired and cranky than I was before I started my shift.

Students participating in a sit-in

After seemingly ages of walking, I finally reach the front door of my dorm. I fumble around in my pocket, searching for the key. When my hand finally grasps it, I take it out and use it to open the door. Surprisingly, there’s no one here. I know this because the light is off, there’s no aroma of dinner escaping from the kitchen, and the usual hum of the television is nonexistent. I begin to worry. Why is Lisa not back yet? Lisa is my roommate and is usually back before I am. Instead of panicking, I decide to call her. I turn on the lights and look for the phone. When I find it, I quickly punch in the number of the hotel that she works at. She works as a cook in the kitchen because the hotel doesn’t want the white customers to know that they hire blacks.  I pick at my nails as I wait for someone to respond. Finally, someone does.

“Hello. This is the Drury Inn and Suites. How may I help you?”

“Hi. I’m looking for a woman named Lisa Brown. Is she still at work, or has she left already?”

“I’m sorry, but Ms. Brown never came to work today.” My heart stops. Lisa never misses work. In fact, she takes her job a lot more seriously than I take mine. That’s probably why she ends up getting paid more. “Ma’am? Are you still there? Would you like me to leave her a message for you?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll find her. Have a nice night.” Before the lady on the other end of the line responds, I end the call. Just as I start to think up Plan B, Lisa barges through the door, a wide grin on her face.

“Angela, you will not believe where I just was!” she exclaims.

“I can’t even begin to imagine where you were. This better be good, because I’ve been worried.”

“I was at the Woolworth’s. There was a sit-in there, and I stayed.”

“Are you out of your mind? Lisa, I can’t believe you! Do you understand what danger you’ve put yourself in?” I’m fuming. Why would Lisa do this? She has no idea what could’ve possibly happened if things had turned for the worse.

“Angela, I get that you’re looking out for me, but don’t think that I can’t take of myself.”

“Oh really, Lisa? Have you forgotten about what happened to Michael?!” I scream.

I was sitting on the couch, reading my latest novel. It was a Nancy Drew book, and in the part I was reading, Nancy was discussing with her friend whether or not she should keep working on the current case. She knows it’s dangerous, but she feels like it’s important. As I flipped the page, I heard the phone ring. Knowing that there was no one home, I got up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Angela, it’s Robby. Michael’s pretty hurt, and I’m not sure if he’s gonna live. You need to come quick!”  

I began to panic. “You better not be messing with me, Robert. I know you’re my brother’s best friend, but if you’re prank calling me... ”

“I’m not. We’re at the hospital right now, and your mama’s here too.”

“I’ll get there as soon as I can.” I raced out the front door and grabbed my bike. I started to pedal faster than a little kid on a sugar high. When I reached the hospital, I threw my bike into the bushes and rushed into the building. I ran up to the receptionist. “Hello, my name is Angela Green. I’m looking for my brother, Michael Green. Could you tell me where he’s staying?”  

“Second floor, room 208,” she said as she boredly flipped the page of her Vanity Fair magazine. I rushed up to the room. As I got to the door, I stopped. Reality was finally getting to me, and I was scared to see my brother. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open. I glanced at the bed. There was my brother, sprawled out helplessly on the bed, blood soaking the sheets. “Michael!” I yelled as I ran to his bedside. I sobbed into the sheets. I gingerly clasped his hand. Robby stood behind me. I looked up at him. “What happened?”

“The Klan got ‘im. They knew he was part of the bus boycotts, and they’ve been targeting him. Thank goodness I was nearby when it happened, or he would’ve been a goner.” He took a deep breath and knelt next to me. He looked into my eyes. “Angie, he’ll never be the same again. You need to be the rock for your family now. I know your daddy’s gone, and your mama can’t be at work and at home. I’ll be there as much as I can, but I got a family too. You’re gonna need to be the caretaker for your siblings, ‘cause Mikey can’t be.”  I felt faint. As I started to collapse onto the floor, Robby picked me up and hugged me tight. From that moment on, I knew things would never be the same.  

“Angela, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how much stuff like that affected you. However, that was what? Five years ago?”

“Yeah it was. Man, I hate thinking about that day.”

“I know you do. Let’s not think about that right now. Angela, we need more people to join us. We’ll be stronger and the rest of the U.S. will see how important it is to us.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, but ever since Michael’s injury…”

I’m suddenly cut off. “Just consider joining. Our rights are as goddamn important as any other American’s.” With that, Lisa madly marches out of the room. I sit down helplessly on the worn out couch. So what if I’m still worried? I ponder over what Lisa said, and I decide to confide in my brother.

I’m standing in front of my brother’s house. I’m unsure of what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it anyway. I open the door to find my brother deep into a book, sitting in the sunshine, his wheelchair bending the light across the room.

“Hey Mikey,” I say.

He looks up. “Angela! How’s it goin’?” He smiles as he wheels himself over to me.

“All right. School’s been good, and the diner’s been paying okay.”

“That’s nice. Ma ain’t home yet. She’s still at the store.” I breathe a sigh of relief. If she heard what I am gonna talk with Michael about, my mother would be a nightmare. Although I’m relieved, that doesn’t stop Michael from being able to read me like a book. “Angie, what’s goin’ on? What do you wanna tell me?

“Um, I’m not sure if you’re gonna like what you’ll here.”

“Spill.” With that, I say everything, from the conversation with Lisa to my own thoughts that have been overpowering my brain. Michael quietly listens to me and nods in agreement once in a while. However, when I get to the part about Lisa’s question to me, he interjects.

“Angela, what do you think you’ll do?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to ask you.’

“Well, do you think that your rights are important?”

“Of course!”

“Are you willing to do anything to get them?” he asks.

“Within reason. I mean, if you wanted me to get shot, then I’d say no.”

“Then I say you should do it. I know it’ll be tough and scary, but it’s worth it.” I sit there, unsure if I just heard my brother right.

“Are you sure? Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

“It won’t be the same as last time. You’re not the stupid sixteen year old I was. You’re eighteen and intelligent, and your conscience is better than mine. Also, I highly doubt there’ll be guns. The police station is close by. However, if something happens, hide somewhere safe.”

“All right, I’ll do it. I gotta go now. I’m starting work early today. I love you, Mikey. Say hi to Mom for me”. I walk out the door. As I make my way to the diner, I can’t help feeling that I made the wrong decision. The tense sensation in my gut won’t go away, and I stay worried until the night ends.

*****

I wake up to the sun shining through the windows of my room. I sit up, and instantly remember that I agreed to go to the sit-in. What am I getting myself into? I think to myself.

*****

I stare at the shiny gold doorknob in front of me. I’m scared as hell, but I’ve gotta enter sometime. “Okay, here I go,” I say to myself. As I enter the Woolworth’s, I feel the stares of the other people in the store. I’ve grown used to the looks people like them give me. I continue walking as I head through the aisles. I grab a pack of chewing gum and go to the front of the store to check out.

“That’ll be five cents,” the cashier mumbles gruffly. I hand over a nickel and take my gum. Unfortunately, that was the easy part. I take a quick breath as I make my way over to the lunch counter. The waiter wiping the tables walks up to me and says, “No service.”

“I didn’t want yours anyway. I’m joining them.” I nod over to the other college students on the ground. He shakes his head and continues to wipe down the tables.

I head over to the group. They look up and smile. “Hey, Angela. Thanks for joinin’ us,” says David as he stands up to stretch. I move over to him and whisper, “David, I’m scared.”

“I know. Me too. But just think about it. We’re doing something to benefit our people here.” He smiles at me, and I feel a sense of reassurance. For about an hour, everything is peaceful. Suddenly, a group of Klan members runs into the store. “Where are they?” one of them barks at the clerk.

“O-o-over there, sir,” the man at the counter stutters, and begins to hide under the desk.

“Get ’em, boys.” With that command, World War III erupts. People are running, screaming, and hiding for their lives. I rush out the door. However, I don’t make it far before I’m face to face with a Klan member.

“Looks like you couldn’t make it far, honey. Too bad, because it looks like you’ve run into the wrong hands.” With that, he lifts a gun and points it at me. Before I can move, a force is pushing me out of the way and onto the ground. I lie there, bruised and bleeding for what seems like forever. I try to get up, but the Klan member is too quick. He shoots his gun and it hits me in the hand. I scream in pain. I feel myself losing consciousness. The last thing I see is a figure kneeling next to me.

*****

“...Thank goodness it was her left and not her right,” I hear. I begin to blink my eyes open. As my vision clears, I see that I am in a hospital room. Suddenly, memories of what happened rush back to me. I remember the loud screams, the running, the man with the gun…

I quickly look at my hand. There is tape and gauze wrapped all over it. I begin to cry. I know that I’ll never be able to use my hand again. One of the figures runs over to me. It’s Lisa.

“You’re awake. You don’t know how lucky you are that I was working close by. He knew who you were right away and got me.”

“Who’s he? Who got me to the hospital?”

“It was Robbie.” I turn and look around the room. My eyes finally settle on a figure hiding in the corner. I instantly recognize him, and I call to him.

“Come over here.” He slowly walks over and sits at the far end of the hospital bed. I see the look on his face, and it gives away everything. “You were the one who pushed me out of the way, weren’t you?”

“Yeah.”  His eyes avert my gaze as he responds.

“Why were you there? I thought that you never go to these things.”

“Michael called me. He wanted me there just in case something happened. Good thing he did,” he responds gruffly.

“Look, I know this looks bad, but I’ll be fine. Just a bit of surgery and…”

I’m suddenly interrupted. “You don’t get it. You could’ve been killed or kidnapped or somethin’, I don’t know. The point is, you shouldn’t have gone. I don’t understand why your brother encouraged you to do this.” He moves closer and grasps my unbandaged hand. “Things’ll never be the same, you got that right?” I nod slowly, tears rolling down my face. He takes his free hand and wipes the tears from my eyes. “You’ll get through this, I promise.”

*****

I am walking home from the hospital. My hand is now crippled, and I’m unable to move it like I used to. I’m unsure of what is to come for me. If the future is like what life is now, I’ll have fewer job opportunities because a crippled hand means that I won’t be capable of doing some jobs. As I fumble for the key with my good hand, I stare at the sky. Right now, the moon is the only source of light. I finally find the key and open the door. It’s late on a Sunday night, and while I am crippled, my story for equal rights is still being written.

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